Having an anxious attachment style can lead to anxiety, depression, and a lack of self-esteem. Often, this type of anxiety stems from a stressful childhood.
Fortunately, you can work to overcome your anxious attachment style. This will take some self-awareness and patience, but it is possible!
Signs and Symptoms
Anxious attachment may develop when a child’s primary caregiver shows inconsistent attunement. A child anxiously attached to their parent may have trouble regulating their emotions and feel more fearful than average. They might be more likely to have trouble concentrating, have nightmares, and feel overwhelmed.
As a result, they can become easily frustrated and distressed by their caregiver’s behaviour. For example, if the caregiver does not pick up their child when crying, it can trigger anxiety and worry that they will not get the attention they need.
It is common for anxiously attached children to show behaviours that keep their parents’ attention, such as threatening their caretakers with anger or bribing them with charm. These strategies can help keep the caretakers’ attention and make them feel important to the child.
The most important thing to remember when dealing with anxiously attached kids is to be consistent in responding to their distress. This will help them know that your love and care will always be there.
You can also try reconnecting with your child after a conflict, even if you’ve had a tough time. This will help them know that you’re there for them no matter what, even if you’ve made mistakes in the past.
Taking time for yourself can help you deal with your anxiety and keep your feelings under control. Meditation, yoga, and mindfulness techniques are great ways to help calm your nerves and focus on the present moment.
Many different things can trigger anxiety and fear, so it’s best to find ways to calm down and regulate your feelings. You can do this by focusing on your breath, exercising or getting a massage, or going for a walk in nature.
Therapy can help you heal from past trauma and build more secure attachment patterns. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy, and psychodynamic therapy can help you improve your relationship with yourself and others. You can also work with a therapist to identify your anxious attachment style and learn healthier relationships.
Relationships
If you have an anxious attachment style, your relationship with another person is challenging. It can also lead to a lot of jealousy and conflict.
Anxious attachment is often a coping mechanism for children who have experienced negative childhood traumas that caused them to feel insecure and abandoned. It can be challenging to change, but it is essential to seek help if your relationship with your partner becomes unhealthy or isn’t working out.
Some of the most common signs that you have an anxious attachment style include feeling insecure about the status of your relationship, constantly wondering if your partner likes you, and being concerned about their behaviour. You may also worry that your partner is avoiding you or looking for reasons to break up with you.
Insecure attachment can result from negative experiences that shaped your attachment styles in childhood, such as being neglected, abused, or having parents who didn’t meet your needs. Fortunately, some individuals can heal unresolved issues that resulted from their early attachments and learn to form healthy, secure relationships.
Alternatively, anxiety can develop as a result of a short-term threat. During stress or anxiety, people are hard-wired to focus all of their energy on dealing with the threat. This can help in the short term but isn’t helpful for long-term health.
There are several ways to heal your anxious attachment and build a more secure connection with your partner. Among them is seeking therapy to address any underlying issues.
Psychotherapy can teach you to recognize attachment patterns and why they affect your relationships. It can also give you tools to deal with any negative emotions and thoughts that may be present.
Therapy aims to help you work through and understand your past traumas and create healthier, more productive ways to interact with others. Various therapies are available to help, including cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), interpersonal therapy (IPT), and psychodynamic psychotherapy.
If you have an anxious attachment style, you must be more patient with your partner and make them aware of how their behaviour affects you. You can also show them that you value their attachment style by showing them how much you appreciate their efforts to care for you and your emotional well-being. This will help them see that you are willing to accommodate their needs, and they will feel more secure in your partnership.
Self-Esteem
Anxious attachment can harm self-esteem, which is why seeking help is essential. Fortunately, some therapies can help you identify your attachment styles and learn how to approach relationships more healthily.
Therapy can also help you recognize and change negative thought patterns that are causing you to experience anxiety. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and psychodynamic psychotherapy can also help address unconscious emotional dynamics contributing to your anxiety.
While anxious attachment is often the result of an adverse childhood environment, it can also be triggered by other situations. A person with this type of attachment can become anxious and overly agitated when their partner demonstrates a lack of understanding or responds negatively to them. This can create a cycle of insecurity that will leave you feeling more confused and disconnected from your partner.
The anxiety can make you feel worthless or unworthy of love. It can also lead to you forgetting your needs in favour of your partner. As a result, it cannot be easy to build healthy relationships.
Those with this attachment style may want a close relationship and be vulnerable, but they’re afraid of putting themselves out there. They fear being rejected or not accepted and might need constant reassurance from their partner to feel secure.
Individual therapy can help you identify your attachment style, examine your thoughts and feelings, and teach you to approach relationships more healthily. You can also learn to accept your feelings and manage them constructively.
Anxiety can be challenging, but it’s possible to overcome it. It will take a commitment to self-care and a willingness to work on your attachment styles.
For example, you can begin by noticing when your negative thoughts are triggering your feelings of insecurity. Once you know this, you can practice mindful awareness and change these thoughts.
You can also try regenerative self-care, such as meditation or exercise. Doing these things can help you release stress and tension while building internal resources to help you cope with future stressful situations.
Self-Regulation
It may seem impossible to regulate your emotions if you’re dealing with an anxious attachment style. However, there are ways you can improve your self-regulation and learn to move towards a secure attachment style.
The key to self-regulation is learning how to control your emotions and be mindful of your feelings. This can help you solve conflicts in your relationships and build more confidence.
Anxious attachment style can often stem from past abusive relationships. If you were in a relationship that was emotionally or physically abusive, you might develop avoidant patterns to try to protect yourself from the pain and hurt. These patterns can lead to insecure attachment styles in future healthy relationships and negatively impact your life.
Another possible cause of an anxious attachment is the development of ambivalent or mixed attachment in childhood. This can result from parents or caregivers who were inconsistent with their caregiving behaviours, making it difficult for a child to feel safe and secure in their surroundings.
A person’s attachment style is determined by how their primary caregivers meet their needs. For example, if a parent is slow or inconsistent in responding to their children’s emotional and physical needs, they may create an anxious attachment style in the child.
People with ambivalent attachments are also more likely to act clingy or whiny toward their caregivers, seeking affection and connection even when they’re not feeling safe or secure. This behaviour is rooted in the fear that their caregivers will abandon them or not respond to their needs.
If you are struggling with an anxious attachment, it’s crucial to seek therapy. Psychotherapy can help you explore the past and understand what influences your current emotions.
To heal your anxiety, working through the trauma you experienced in your childhood is crucial. Rewriting your childhood experience to a new narrative that includes positive emotions can be a big step toward healing.
To achieve this, you must develop a healthy belief that you are valuable and will always be okay. If you can overcome your anxiety, you can move closer to a secure attachment style and build lasting relationships that are supportive and loving.